i remember in the summer we would somehow always be with each other talking and i would save little things from each night to remind myself of the feelings i experienced at that very moment in time because i knew nothing would ever come of us. then as those nights went on, you would do things like comment on how you like my backpack and touch the strap while it was on my arm. little things like that, and then as we got to know each other more, you grabbed my hand, you stroked my leg, touched my feet, rubbed my back, asked for my number. before i knew it we were together in secrecy. i began associating every love song with you and we were totally monica and chandler. you would wake me up at midnight with a text asking if i was still awake and i would smile.

you said you wanted to be my first boyfriend.
you said i was the first girl you were with that you didn't feel like you were being judged.
you said i looked really good.
you said you didn't like sneaking around anymore.
you said you forgave me when i made that mistake.
you said you're willing to stick with me.
you said you didn't care what your mom thought of us.

things became weird and i kept trying to convince myself that they would turn out just once we were official, when really i knew they wouldn't. i pushed it out of you. i literally fucking pushed it out of you. how much longer would you have kept leading me on? at least have the humility to phone me up. what a nice phone call with an unsuspecting abundance of tears on my end. were you about to cry too? all i heard were the whimpers of your dog in the background.

whatever, whatever, whatever.